Acceptable Losses
by thespeedforce4
Summary: She lowers her 9mm. "What's your number?" He knows what's coming but he asks anyways, "my number?" She doesn't miss a beat, voice carefully devoid of emotions she forgot how to feel long ago. "Your number of acceptable losses." / A delicate moment in a desperate time. AU major character death
1. Acceptable Losses

AU one shot (possible story)

a delicate moment in a desperate time  
the team is gone. The Light has successfully picked off most of them and everybody who made it is ready to fight with everything they have left. It's the final battle.  
post-battle themes/pre-battle preparation

* * *

 _Someone tell me how to feel_

 _Someone tell what is real_

 _Someone tell me how to feel_

 _Someone tell me, someone tell me_

Maggie Eckford

* * *

"Are they ready?" He asks her. "The team." He slips his pistol into it's holster. He had never held a gun before this. He'll never get used to it strapped around his waist; the once unfamiliar weight seems molded into his side now. An ever present reminder of what is left.

An ever present reminder of what _isn't_.

"Everyone who is able." He frowns at vacancy in her words, at what remains unsaid. _Everyone who is able_. _Everyone who is left_. _Everyone who made it_.

She checks her clip before reassembling her 9mm. She tests it's weight in her calloused hands before aiming at the shattered window. She holds her position for a few moments, staring at her broken reflection in the remaining glass that clings to the window pane. Her once long, beautiful blonde hair is now hanging limp and matted just below her shoulders. Her sharp cheekbones cut into her dirt-smeared face and her chapped lips are stained red with blood. The black bulletproof vest they all seem to wear now hides the distinct ribs that stick out of her skin like the scars that adorn her body. Some from the war, others from before. She's lost track of which is from where.

Her lips twitch slightly at the memory of her complaining to the once spandex clad boy beside her about the pros (but more often than not cons) of kevlar.

She lowers her weapon, turning to him. "What is your number?"

"My number?" He glances up at her from his MK16. His black hair a disheveled mop, seemingly defying gravity and flying in all directions. A cracked pair of black shades is perched amongst the wild strands of ebony atop his head.

 _Some things never change_.

She doesn't miss a beat, voice carefully devoid of emotions she forgot how to feel long ago. "Number of acceptable losses." She looks down at him, his baby blues staring into her steel grays. He searches her gaze, diving far below the permanent glare and scowl etched into her features from days without sleep and a life in constant vigilance that started far before this war. A life that no longer permits her to feel sorry for herself.

Eyes that have seen too much in too short of a time.

It's taken a toll on her. It's taken a toll on everyone. Nonetheless, his reply is immediate. The conviction in his voice is so loud she almost believes him:

"Zero."

* * *

 **A/N**

Only six lines of dialogue borrowed from one of my recent TV obsessions AOS

this is going to be written in a one-shot style. It will start making sense later.

Natalie  
the speed force


	2. Chapter 2

AU  
a delicate moment in a desperate time  
present

 _I found a savior_

 _I don't think he remembers_

' _Cause he's off to pay his crimes_

 _And he's got no time for mine._

 _HALSEY_

Her hands are shaking. One presses against her side, _red_. Red between her fingers, red hot under her nails, red dripping down her sharp ribs. The other is raised. The other holds a gun.

It's aimed at his head. Between the callous and calculating, crystal clear blue eyes she grew up hating.

It burns her fingers. It claws at her stomach. Cold, harsh, shaking, unrelenting. She has to do it. She _has_ to. But she doesn't know if she can. He's done terrible things - _horrific_ things - but her eyes go fuzzy and she can't see clearly anymore. Her heart is hammering in her chest and blood rushes to her ears, roaring mercilessly.

 _Focus_. She growls to herself. Steady. _Steady_. He opens his mouth, his teeth red. "We're so similar, you and I."

No.

"Pull it." He's on his knees. Dirt clings to his pants, his chest, his face. The gravel digs into his skin but he welcomes the pain; he smiles. He always smiles. She wishes he would stop. She wishes he would shut up. She wishes he wasn't here.

She wishes she were stronger.

"Pull it, Baby Girl," he cooes. Fuck him. She hates him. She hates him so much. She hates his blonde hair, the defiant glint in his eyes, the sneer on his face and the red on his ledger. She hates that she has it too. "It's in your blood. It's _Who. You. Are_."

She wants to yell. She wants to scream at him. She wants to hurt him like he hurt her.

"Pull it - you know you want to. It's a part of you. Let it take control of you." A malicious smirk cuts into his features. Dangerous. Merciless. "And once you do, it will pull you under. It will _drown_ you. You'll be joining me, Baby Girl. We're the same.."

 _It's who you are_.

She's going to throw up.

"No."

"What?"

"No." She snarls. Her second hand latches itself to her 9mm. Steady. _Steady_. "That's not who I am. It's not." He opens his mouth. He thinks he has won. " _Who I am_ ," she readjusts her stance, digging her feet into the soil. "And _who I need to be_ \- to survive are two very different things."

He . Harsh. "Survive? We're all dead anyways. This whole world is fucked it - it doesn't matter what side you're on. They have lost their way - the killing isn't going to stop, Baby Girl. They won't stop until they have eradicated all form of rebellion. You're doing me a favor."

She doesn't flinch. She doesn't hear the gun. She doesn't register the kick. She doesn't see him fall forward.

She hated him. But despite everything, despite everything he's done, despite selling out her sister and giving away their position - he was her father.

 _You're doing me a favor_. And after everything he's done to survive, he gave up. He ran. All of his self-preservation crumbled in on itself and he didn't make it. He wasn't strong enough. But she was.

The world may be falling apart but until she takes her last breath, she won't stop trying to save it.

She wipes the tears that track down through the mud on her face. She turns and sees him leaning against their Jeep. His cracked shades are tangled in his black hair. Gray clashes with blue. He nods to her.

And she wishes she could believe him.

* * *

 **A/N**

omg is that dialogue?

Yes, the man she killed was Lawrence. And obviously the boy at the end was Dick. No, I still haven't answered many questions as to what the hell is going on. Yes, I'll get to it. And, yes, I am sorry.

Thoughts?

Natalie  
the speed force


	3. Chapter 3

Upon request: this is now a full story

This story is going to be told in almost a one-shot like style.

With the present being written in present tense and flashbacks/clues into wtf actually happened in past tense. Honestly, I think most, if not all, of the present tense moments are going to be only between Dick and Artemis so I probably won't type their names much. Just He/She but I'll try to make is obvious. Those characters just have too much angst that I can't _not_ use them.

first part: present

second part: past

Reader: Don't know what's going on or what's gonna happen next? Have no fear cause I don't know either. I'm just makin' this up as a go.

* * *

On the Nature of Daylight - Max Richter

I'm Sorry - James Newton Howard

* * *

They were the last two in the meeting room that night. Everyone else had left fifteen minutes ago once they were dismissed. "Are you okay?" She asks.

He smiles. In spite of everything, his lips tug up and the corners of his eyes squint. Dick readjusted the shades on the bridge of his nose. The left lens is cracked and no longer serves its purpose but he refuses to ditch them. The shades are a constant, and in a world full of change they are a breath of fresh air. Familiarity. Artemis hates them. "No."

She nods. The world is slowly crumbling around them and they are the only force standing in it's way. She has nothing to say, no bull shit phrases to comfort him. She can't promise everything will be alright because he knows she doesn't believe that. She can't tell him they're going to be fine because, hell, they could be discovered at any moment and the odds of them not making it till morning are higher than ever. Even if she could force one of those empty sentences past her lips it wouldn't change what's coming, and in her eyes that was worse. She can't say anything, so she doesn't.

But in the end it doesn't matter. She was there and she was fighting and that was enough for him.

* * *

" _Fuck_."

Conner stormed out of the Bioship. His steps like loud claps of thunder on the metal ramp before they slowly ceased on the concrete and deep into Mount Justice.

M'gann, Kaldur, Artemis, Dick and Wally sat in the silence of his outburst. The Martian's eyes welled up with unshed tears.

Wally slung his arm around her. "It's not you fault, babe. Superman has been missing for a week now - there's no way we could have known we wasn't gonna be there."

"But I was so sure -" the young girl sniffed, "I told everyone he was there - I _felt_ it!"

Kaldur stood. "Wally is right. It is not your fault that Superboy is upset, M'gann." The Martian looked up at him with those big eyes of hers but Aqualad cut her off before she could thank him. "But - you should not have told everyone you found Superman if you weren't sure." M'gann started to argue but Kaldur continued. "Obviously there are still things about your powers we do not understand - things about your powers _you_ do not understand."

Wally frowned, "hey - that's not -"

"No, Wally. Kaldur is right." Everyone turned to Robin. "Look, I'm sorry, M'gann, but you kind of sent us on a wild goose chase back there. Not to mention, you could have seriously hurt Artemis when you threw that energy blast at her."

Artemis, who had been deceptively quiet the whole ride back, suddenly had all of the attention. She turned her head to the side, refusing to look at her crying teammate and said nothing.

"I didn't mean - Artemis!" M'gann's voice caught in her throat. "I would never - _please_!" She looked at Wally with pleading eyes but even he couldn't argue with Robin's point. Once they found out Superman was not there and it was only a trap, M'gann recklessly and blindly sent out a wave of energy. Unfortunately for Artemis she was standing in the wrong place at the right time and was sent straight into the two feet thick concrete wall. Miss Martian's outburst not only injured the archer, but had alerted Lex's croonies to their exact position.

Kaldur sighed. "There will be a debriefing with all of you later. I must first explain to Batman why we left the Cave without orders, broke into a LexCorp warehouse and what we found - or rather _did not_ find." M'gann stifled a sob. "Until then, get washed up. It's been a long day." And with that, the Atlantean left.

Nobody moved. After a thick moment Artemis stood as well. Without glancing at anyone else she wrapped her arm around her middle and cradled it with her good hand. Robin followed her, muttering something about helping her in the med bay.

"Wally," M'gann turned to the speedster. "Please - you have to understand - I really thought he was there! I really thought -"

The redhead sighed. "I know you did - but he wasn't. I just - I'm gonna head inside."

"Wally." Her voice cracked sadly but he didn't turn around. "I didn't mean to. I was - I was only trying to help."

"Just take a shower. I'll see you in debrief." And with that M'gann was the only one left. Her face fell into her hands, she shut the bioship door and once she was truly alone, she sobbed.

* * *

 **oooh so M'gann is in trouble, Artemis is hurt, Robin is just being honest, Kaldur is responsible, Conner is angry and Wally is - Wally.**

 **Wrote this in an hour - sorry it's rushed and super obnoxiously short. I already have the next chapter written because I accidentally wrote this story out of order I'm sorry. Thoughts?**

 **Natalie  
the speed force**


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